Phew!

headline:

NEGOTIATIONS OVER. MISHAP GETS WHAT SHE WANTS.

I am so relieved. I HATE negotiation, but I make myself do it so I don't get taken advantage of. Also that huge pay cut I took to come to Vancouver is now not so large which is a relief because this city is such an expensive city to live in.

Now that all the money crap is over I can just focus on getting my job done. I'll be working straight through September, which is a really long time for me, so I have to get used to coming into the office day after day.

My boss has placed a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, which is good because I know I can do the job and I can deliver him a good show. For YEARS I have been frustrated at having my hands tied about certain aspects of the shows I work on because I was so far down on the totem pole. Here the totem pole is much smaller so I actually have much more control over the final product then I ever did, even though I am in the same position.

The downside to all this is the same as the upside: I've never really had this much responsibility before. I have never choked before, I don't see why I would now, but the possibility is there and it makes me so nervous. What if I wreck the whole show? I need to start smoking pot again. It's the worrying and insane paranoia that makes me screw more things up than anything else.